Let’s talk about Silvia Johnson. The Colorado woman's desire to be a "cool mom" just landed her in cuffs, facing an assortment of felony and misdemeanor charges. According to the Arvada Police Department affidavit, the 40-year-old Johnson entertained local high school boys at weekly sex, booze, and drug parties held in her home. Johnson, who is unemployed, told cops that she was "never popular with classmates in high school," and the house parties--which ran for a year--left her "feeling like one of the group." Does that not just hurt your spine just to think about? I think many of us are a product of our raising, with high school insults staying with us long after they should, but SERIOUSLY!
My goal has never been to be the ‘cool mom’. I didn’t have one (sorry mom), but I did have the best mom ever. A loving, stable, woman of faith, who never lied to us and never let us down. I think the relationship is the most important and the efforts start from the very beginning. I think the first principal is to always treat your kids with respect. I’ve tried never to treat my kids with the ‘seen and not heard’ philosophy, but as distinct individuals with needs and desires to be respected and to be reckoned with.
I am still in the throes of the disciplining stages. I know some of my kid’s friends think that I’m too strict, but I know my kids think I’m fair. If there is anything that they understand, it’s that their opinions matter.
I horse around with my little ones and pick them up and throw them around. I chase them. I wrestle with my son, and he says, “Mommy I don’t use my full strength with you.” Yeah, whatever, macho boy. I listen to my teenagers’ music, and take their friends shopping. I listen when they have drama with friends and with their crushes. I take their crushes seriously. And I almost never turn someone down when they want to have a friend over, because I’d rather them be at our house where I can spy and eavesdrop. Just kidding. But I’m careful, there is a thin line between friendship and authority that I don’t want to cross. They are going to require this figure (such as it is) to be an authority figure, even when they are parents themselves.
I also don’t pretend to be infallible. I’d much rather be honest when they say, “How was your day, mom?” and tell them if I had a rough day, and then tell them how I managed to turn it around.
When it comes to their friends, I have fun with them. But I don’t impose myself on them and let them have privacy with friends and their space. However, usually I find that they hang out longer than I expect them to and tell me things that I NEVER would have told to my mom. Sometimes, in fact, it leaves me in the horrible position of wanting to call the other parents and give them a heads up. Instead I’ve said things like, “You have GOT to tell your mom what is going on with you. I would die if Becky was hurting like you are and I didn’t know it.” Now I’m not delusional, and I don’t think my kids tell me everything, and despite all of our best efforts, they may choose to make really horrible decisions in their lives.
But last week, the girls told me that two of their favorite bands are playing locally soon and asked if they could go. I don’t think they actually thought they had a prayer. I said, “Go get me the CD, so I can look at the lyrics.” I didn’t get the eyeroll. I got tandem squeals as they raced off to their rooms to get the CD jackets for me to look at. I can’t tell you how that made me chuckle. My ‘too cool for U” teenagers went rocketing out of the room like they were five years old and I told them we were going to Chuck E. Cheese. I was already prepared to say no if they gave me the ‘attitude’ for asking to see the band details, and they surprised me. I read some of the lyrics when they came back, breathless with hopeful puppy dog eyes, and I ended up buying seven tickets that night for the two of them, three of their friends, and bless God, one of their mothers. I cannot believe I am taking 5 Jr. High girls to see the Fall Out Boys and the American Rejects – but I can tell you, I’d much rather be the one going and driving, than the one sitting at home wondering what they’re doing while they are there.
Does that make me a cool mom? I hope not. Because I’d much rather be the meanest mom in the whole world.
The Meanest Mom
We had the meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids ate candy for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast. When others had a Pepsi and a Twinkie for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches. And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was different from what other kids had, too.Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She had to know who our friends were, and what we were doing with them. She insisted that if we said we would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve to break the Child Labor Laws by making us work. We had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.She always insisted on us telling the truth the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds. Then, life was really tough! Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn when they drove up. They had to come up to the door so she could meet them.
Because of our mother we missed out on lots of things other kids experienced. None of us have ever been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault. We never got drunk, took up smoking, stayed out all night, or a million other things other kids did. Sundays were reserved for church, and we never missed once. We knew better than to ask to spend the night with a friend on Saturdays.Now that we have left home, we are all God-fearing, educated, honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean parents just like Mom was. I think that is what's wrong with the world today. It just doesn't have enough mean mom's anymore.
No comments:
Post a Comment