Okay, so I’ve already done the whole new kindergartner scene three times. The pride and the excitement of finding your child’s supply list at Target and getting every single thing on it, as though by loading them down with 8 boxes of Kleenex, we will somehow make them safer. I know about picking the backpack with a new kindergartner, which will inevitably sport a mural of whatever toy they are currently playing with. (Disney Princesses for my daughter last year). When my girls started kindergarten they had shiny new shoes and matching socks (usually for the last time for the whole school year), their hair was braided or pony-tailed and faces scrubbed…all ready for the big wide world of elementary academia. I remember the jitters the night before, and the special breakfast the morning school started with the “You are Special Today” plate. It makes me happy to think that this year, I get to do this with my son. My last child will start kindergarten on Wednesday and I just feel nothing but satisfied pride and excitement about it! I can’t wait, because HE can’t wait. I’m looking forward to his special day with joy and anticipation.
Now, on the flip side of the kid pecking order, we have my oldest daughter…who STARTS HIGH SCHOOL in a mere week. A week. I. Am. Freaking. Out. I want to sob when I think about her first day of kindergarten…when she wore a navy blue and hunter green plaid uniform from Nordstrom with a matching plaid headband and white tights with navy blue leather mary-janes. And how excited and nervous we were…it seems like a hundred years ago and it seems like yesterday.
Today, I drove over to the high school to meet her for her freshman orientation. I’ve been to the high school before; I mean I was just there for a parent meeting for the swim team that she’s on this year. But when I drove up…I felt scared. I felt as though this huge campus was going to swallow up my sweet girl and spit out a stranger. I went to a small private high school in Orange County, so I have absolutely no experience with an enormous school like this and I wanted to run into the building as fast as I could to find her.
Of course, I didn’t. I strolled into the gym filled with 3,000 people that was alive with color and cheerleaders and fun. It was well organized and friendly with student helpers running around in t-shirts that said “Freshmen Rock! Question? Ask me!” on them. I searched the gym for my daughter, and like a ray of sunshine providing that warm rush of relief, I saw her. She was standing on the bleachers trying to get my attention. She stood tall and slender and beautiful amongst her friends smiling and waving at me. She was wearing plaid. I almost choked on the tears. This day, her plaid was in the form of a pleated black and pink mini-skirt over her long legs, with a black baby tee and flip-flops. She waved wildly and I waved back, and we both turned our attention to the assembly going on. Her group was excused to their individual tour and the parents were all instructed to go to the auditorium for THEIR information session. I wanted to run out the door. Just as I thought I might, I heard two loud voices shout “LISA!!!” like they had been trying to get my attention and had decided to yell together to see if I would turn around. My friends. I found myself surrounded in seconds by five other parents of my kids’ friends, who I have known for years, and we collectively moved our way into the auditorium questioning one another about each other’s summers, and complimenting each other on how amazing our children look. One mom, Peggy, who saved my life a few years back by helping me get help when I was in the worst of my S.A.D…took one look at me and put her arms around me. “Honey, I’ve done this seven times. SEVEN. Derek is my youngest, and every single one of his siblings came through this high school just fine.” God, I love Peggy.
So there it is. Time isn’t standing still, and I have amazing kids who I promised to entrust to God’s care and I do. Daily. I just need this moment of wistfulness, because these are MY children and they’re growing so very fast.
Tomorrow, I will suck it up and remind myself that if I’m feeling anxious and scared, it can’t hold a candle to how Becky must be feeling. I must realize she is going to be stressed and irritable for the first few weeks of her freshman year, and Dylan is going to be whinier (um, is that possible?) and need more sleep. They’re experiencing so many changes in their lives; all at the same time. What a ride…and thank God I have an unlimited pass to ride them all.
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