Let’s talk risotto. It’s rice. It’s yummy rice, but it is JUST. RICE. I love it, it’s delicious, but two things have eluded me about it when I've ordered it in restaurants:
1. How can this ever be served as a main dish?
2. Why is a bowl of rice so stupid expensive? I've heard it takes a while but that never worries me.
I have been enlightened.
Yesterday while grocery shopping, I decided some pan seared sea scallops, wild mushroom risotto and a chop salad would be just the thing. I've only ever made wild mushroom risotto from the box at Trader Joe's, (I was not at Trader Joe's) but I thought it could be fairly easily done from scratch and googled the ingredients on my phone while at the store. (Had I paid attention to the preparation instructions, I would have scratched entire thing and saved myself a whole lot of trouble and a maybe a few body parts.)
First, a box of wild mushroom risotto at TJ’s will set you back about $2.50. The ingredients for the real thing will run you approximately the price of your first car. Five different varieties of wild mushrooms, along with the dehydrated porcinis, and the Arborio rice cost about $40. No, I’m not kidding. This was a Tuesday night dinner for four, mind you. Not freaking Christmas.
I got home at about 6:30pm with my HUGE haul of groceries, thinking Rice dish: 20 minutes. Salad: 5 minutes. Scallops: 10 minutes. Dinner on the table a little late…like 7:00 or 7:15, give or take.
[Side bar here on the grocery trip. I spent about $500 on Tuesday just because we were out of absolutely everything and I bought a few big ticket items. I, at the tender age of 43, was given, not offered, GIVEN, the 55 and over discount. What the #@%$!!! I Licked my wounds all the way home to my risotto prep hell.]
Okay, back to my kitchen. To my dismay, I read the directions for the risotto. Again, had I read them all the way through I’d have realized the error of my ways, but not I. I began dinner with a happy heart, coating my skillet with olive oil and smashed garlic, chopping a million dollars’ worth of wild mushrooms and re-constituting the dried ones.
I got out my emulsion blender to make the porcini paste, which looks a lot like cat poop.
It’s reconstituted porcine mushrooms, pureed with a little of the warm mushroom broth it creates. Smells like mushroom heaven but it really isn't pretty to look at.
It’s pretty thick and gooey, and is to be set aside for later, because you see…after you add the 2 cups of white wine to the Arborio and let it absorb (20 minutes), you add just enough chicken stock to cover it again, and let it absorb. You do this FOUR FREAKING TIMES! Do the math, because I clearly didn't’.
Had I a brain, I’d have scrapped the project and sent my husband out for pizza. But no.
So, as I said, the mushroom puree was pretty thick and gooey. I took the emulsion blender out of the bowl, and using my index finger, I scooped the gummed up mixture away from the blade. However, I failed to take my OTHER hand off the handle. What’s on the handle, boys and girls? You got it. The pulse switch. Here’s what happened:
Yeah. Sliced right through that puppy. Nothing gets my low-key husband moving faster than a yelp from the kitchen. He came barreling in there, grabbed my hand and stuck it under the faucet, asking me how bad it was. (His eyes were squinted shut – by now you've guessed this wasn't the first yelp he’s heard from this part of the house.) At this point, I was anxious about time and apologizing to my kids who patiently waited an hour between each “When is dinner going to be ready?” I wrapped a paper towel around my mutilated digit, found some packing tape in the junk drawer and continued onward.
Dinner was at 9:30pm. Not 7-ish. THREE HOURS it took to make this simple feast. Of course it was amazing because we were all starved half to death and dog food tastes good when you’re that hungry. Here is the finished product.
Can’t really see the risotto, can you. Nope.
2 comments:
Sooooo sorry....and soooo funny!!
Awesome post .i hope everybody will like your post
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